I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
