Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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