I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
