So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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