well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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