please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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