That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
