there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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