I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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