4 words: hood of his car
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You are a genius and a whore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
