I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
