Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
