Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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