I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
