My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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