sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
