woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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