She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
