i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
