I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
