sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
where does the pee come out of this thing
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
