think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
