my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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