STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
