my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
