YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
