Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
