there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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