when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
