You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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