alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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