im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
