My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
