Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize