My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
