she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
