you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
