where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
