the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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