now i know why i became what i already was.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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