Can i not drive my cunt home
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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