Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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