"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
