One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
