end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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