I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
