youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
