i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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