I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
