Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
